tale of a displaced tailbone

I never thought I'd ever say this: yesterday, i actually paid someone to shove her finger up my ass. Yes, derby has taken things to an uncomfortable level. Falling on my tailbone twice in 1 practice resulted in a seriously displaced tailbone. The osteopath thought there might even be a chance it was broken. But luckily, it was just displaced. A girl from my team referred the osteo to me. And aside from the awkwardness of having a stranger stick a finger up my ass, I have to say I am now a huge fan of osteopathy. She worked out a ton of kinks in my body. My tailbone is now much straightened, still a little painful, apparently there's only so much you can do in one session. But she seems to think she can work out some of the kinks in my skull leftover from my concussion.

potentially misplaced confidance

Practices have been going well lately. I can feel my body adapting. Every practice ends with me feeling less like I'm going to collapse than the last. My ankle has been acting up though. I blame on the high-heels i wore all day last Tuesday. My feet we're not happy. I guess I'm a flats girl from now on. However, aside from cutting out heels, I figured there were a few other things I could do to reduce the stress on my ankles. I cleaned my wheels and noticing that some where pretty worn out while others still have their grooves totally intact, I strategically switched them around so that I'll have more grip on my pushing wheels. I'll be trying out that new set-up tonight. We'll see how that goes. And if my ankles still fail me, I've got a tensor bandage in the side pocket of my gear bag. That should hold me together.

I have less than 2 weeks of my current job left before I go on vacation for a month (and then start a new job). I really can't wait to start my vacation so that I can tons of time to work on getting my speed and endurance up to at least where they were pre-concussion.

Right now, I'm pretty confidant that with all the steps I'm taking to make mold myself into the best athlete and derby girl I can be, I'll be on top of my game by the beginning of the home season. Lets just hope that isn't totally misplaced confidance. My team has a solid bunch of veteran, a nice group of less experience (but still pretty damn good) players, and there are only 2 spots open on our roster for newbies. So, if I don't explode with awesomeness on the track by Beast of East, I'm likely to get benched (as with a roster of 20, only 14 people are allowed to play per game). So, my confidance better be well-founded and well-deserved.

Scrimmmmmmmmage

Wednesday, I scrimmaged. For the first time in forever. In hitting drills, my timing and balance have felt off. But the second I was put into a game situation, the natural born blocker inside me awoke. AWAKEN THE BEAST!!!!!!

Zombie rollergirl resurrected

For the past few months, post-concussion depression and the lack of post-derby-practice-endorphin highs to fight that depression had turned me into a zombie. I got up, went to work, zoned out in from of a computer for 9 hours, fell asleep on public transportation, watched tv, ate and slept on a daily basis. Time sorta ceased to exist and nothing really mattered. A roller-derby-less existence was only a half life.

The past few weeks, things have gotten better. The more I push myself in derby practice, the better I function in daily life. And ever since I redid my min reqs test and regained permission to hit, that ability to function better in daily life has turned into happiness. That's right folks. This morning, I woke up still revelling in the power of awesome of last nights practice and looking forward to the power of awesome of tonight's practice. I've been happily going about my work, like a champ.

I've made some harsh realizations now that I'm fully back in derby. I'm out of shape, my endurance is worse than ever, my ankle' still got serious issues, i may have asthma, my legs wanna punch me in the face when i make them squat a bunch, my balance is a little sketchy, my timing for hits is a little off, but I'm not discouraged. I've got a plan of actions in order to fix all these things. For the out of shapeness, the endurance, the balance and the timing, I've got one beautiful solution: practice, practice PRACTICE!!!! For the possible asthma, I've already got an appointment set up with a lung specialist. For the ankle, well, I've been trying out different bracing/taping methods to see which one helps best. Last night, I just wrapped clear hockey tape around my skate and ankle and it seemed to do a better job than the ankle brace i bought a while back.

So things are looking up. Hurray for derby! Boo Zombies!

Off-Season over. Pre-Season begins.

November 1st marked the beginning of the pre-season. I've been back at practices for 2 months now. Injury 100% healed. Getting back into shape and into the grove of derby hasn't been easy, especially since I wasn't allowed to participate in any contact drills until i redid my minimum requirements test (new league rule: any player off skates for 3 months or more must redo min reqs before being able to fully participate). Since there were 4 of us coming back from injuries (or in one case a pregnancy leave), the test happened yesterday. And we all passed with flying colours. I was a little worried about the endurance test as I've been sick lately and I've been experiencing a lot of shortness of breath. But i paced myself. Skated at 50% speed and still managed to complete the 20 laps with a full minute to spare.

The test was actually the best workout I've experience since my return to skates. And that wonderful derby high has come back to me and reminded me of why I love this sport.

I relinquish my social life. Tis the season to rededicate my life entirely to derby.

Season Over.

This Saturday, the Montreal Roller Derby 2009 season came to an end. La Racaille battled FDR for the title of champions. It was a tight game. It was a sportsman-like game. I guess I ought to explain that the FDR/Racaille rivalry is usually not a pleasant one. When these 2 teams duke it out, tensions have a tendency to fly high and bitchiness reigns supreme. Even in practices recently, tempers have exploded. But in order to finish the season off on good footing, both teams set asside all pettiness and showed up to play a clean, fun, fair and friendly game of roller derby. Both teams kept penalties to a minimum. Neither team left the arena as losers that night. With 52 seconds left in the game, FDR was up 15 points and La Racaille was determined to even the score. Iron Wench jamming for la Racaille and Lil Mama for FDR. Only moments after the jam begins, lil mama is sent to the penalty box. This plays out well for la Racaille as Iron Wench can now rack up a ton of points without much competition. And when the jam comes to an end, it is clear to the audience that Wench has accumulated a large amount of points, but was it enough to even up the score. The whole crowds waits with baited breath as the referees tally up the points and have them relayed to the score board. After which, Les Filles du Roi are declared 2009 champions. The final score: 100 - 97. Oh so close. Both teams played well. Both teams had fun. And both teams were able to celebrate well into the night. Farewell 2009 season.

Now its break time. Time for me to not stress about how post-concussive syndrome prevents me from playing and just chill. Just chilllin'.

giving up on my brains

As you may have guessed, my most recent attempt to return to skating was a failure. 1 hour on skates left me dizzy and with considerable brain pain. So I've given up on this season. There's 1 game left and i will not be playing. I've resigned myself to that fact (though somewhat reluctantly). And in order to make this whole ordeal bareable, I'm not going to any practice or roller derby related social events until the final game. I just can't take it. Its far too depressing. So, instead, I'm spending all my free-time with my non-derby friends. On Saturday, my team plays the championship game. La Racaille vs FDR. The Ultimate Showdown. And for that game, I will put on my game face and cheer on my team. Probably drink a ton. And hopefully my team will win.

WOOOHOO!

I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! Do do doo do!

So psyched to get my skate on.

I'm also really pleased that I managed to go from total doubt/panic to mildy anxious to someone indifferent to kinda psyched to super-insanely pumped in just 3 days! That's right folks.

My head just decided to bring me back down to earth a wee bit by causing me a little bit of pain. And I guess that's a good thing because in my over-excited state, I could see myself easily deciding that I'm ready to get back into the full swing of derby thus preventing my head from ever healing. And that would be back. For the next while, I'm a skater, not a blocker. I will skate and skate and skate until my feet wheld themselves to my skates.

the first practice back is the toughest

I've been out of commission for a while now. My headaches are finally almost gone. So in theory I'm back to skating and will use my judgement to decide when I can jump back into contact. I wanted to go to yesterday's practice, but I just didn't make it. Anxiety built up inside me and to avoid dealing with it, I tried staying in bed for most of the day and eating comfort food. But both those things only made me feel worse. And by the time practice time rolled around, I had worked myself into such a bundle of nerves that putting my skates on would have made me vomit.

Its really hard to go back. I feel so severed from my team... Disassociated from the league, from the sport even. As much as I want to play the final game (in 3 weeks) and I think there's a good chance I may be healed enough to play without risk by then, I'm not sure I'll be ready psychologically. And I've let my body fall into disrepair a wee bit these past few weeks. I haven't gained a ton of weight and forgotten how to skate or anything, but I do feel a little soft.

However, I refuse to let anyone perceive me as soft. On Tuesday, I can't make it to practice. But Wednesday, Sexpos practice will be a good time to make my comeback. It'll be an awesome comeback. I'll be back with a vengence. My head was not in the right headspace yesterday, but I've got 2 days to fix my headspace. Then its comeback time!

the correct response was...

Not to scrimmage.

After my only contact practice, my headache only got worse and worse until it was unbearable and I had to go to the hospital. My lovely derby wife, Low-Dive Jenny, accompanied me because that's what derby wives do. Her presence was much appreciated as a waited to see a doctor. Doc says i'll live. Doc says I'm not brain-damaged or anything, I just returned to contact sports too soon for my poor concussed brain to handle. So, I need more time.

When the headaches subside at my rested state, I can go back to skating, but i'm going to have to wait a long time before I can do contact again. I'm going to pay extra special attention to my brain and be sure that I wait a good week or 2 after I feel like i'm in tip-top shape.

My team has a game tonight. Watching it and not being able to play is going to make me crazy. The after-party should be fun though.

To scrimmage or not to scrimmage

Last night, I participated in contact and hitting drills (woot!) and the result was a little dizziness towards the end of practice and a very short-lived headache afterwards. So now the question is: am i ready to scrimmage tonight? If I don't scrimmage tonight, the likelihood of my playing the next game is pretty slim. But if i do scrimmage tonight and my head gets jossled, it might exaccerbate things causing me to prolong my medical leave from the wonderful world or the roller derby.

I vote for taking things one jam at a time. I'll get myself good and warmed-up and then aim to be on the track for at least one jam. And if I'm feelin' good, i'll try for 2 jams... and so on.

another derby day

So I got medical clearance to resume my sporting activities and the I got a concussion related headache. So I've still got to be careful. I feel great though. At Sunday's team practice, since we engaged in a ton of hitting drills, I ended up doing a ton of endurance laps. I felt like death after just a few laps, but I kept on going and didn't give up and by the end of practice I felt as though I could have kept on skating all day long.

I haven't had any brain pain since Saturday, so I'm thinking tonight I'll stick with the no contact plan and tomorrow I'll remove the training wheels and launch myself back into the swing of things. I figure Sexpos' practice is a good time to do that. And if I get the slightest head pain, I'll stop. If no pain occurs, then i'll be scrimmaging on Thursday. Yay!

back on skates

So my brain is still kinda like jello. But as the headaches are dimmer than before, I strapped on my skates again for the first time since my head injury. It felt great. I can't scrimmage or do anything contact-y. And my endurance is all rusty and my muscles need to get back into the groove of things. It felt great to just be back out there. And it felt great to talk to my team and... just great. I also finally got my prescription sports glasses/goggles. So awesome/nerdy-looking. I love em.

I'm pretty pissed that my head still hurt though. Boo brain pain.

CONCUSSION!

That hit to the head I took at Beast... well, it left me concussed.

After over a week of brain pain, I figured I should ask a doctor about it. So yeah, no derby for me this weekend. In fact, I need to rest up and once I've experience 7 days without a headache, i'll be good to go.

BEAST of the East champions!!!

After a 2 day roller-derby tournament in which your team makes it all the way to the finals (and maybe even wins), I have to say that if you don't feel like you got hit by a bus, you just didn't give it your all.

16 teams. Mostly from Quebec and Ontario. 12 hours of roller-derby on the Saturday and then another 6.5 hours of roller-derby on the Sunday. That's an insane amount of derby.

My team, La Racaille, fought valiantly until the end. Sunday morning, we faced our local foes Les Filles du Roi and they won, but since we were as of yet undefeated, we were not yet eliminated. So we continued on. And later in the day, we found ourselves face to face with FDR once again for the semi-finals. This time we played harder and smarter and were victorious. This bought us a ticket to the championship game. And guess who we got to face off with at the championship, none other than Montreal Roller Derby's other team The Contrabanditas. Playing against another team from our league made the whole event just so much more exciting for us. The Ditas gave us a run for our money. They proved to be pretty fierce competition. At one point, I even took a hit to the head from the lovely and talented Boxcar Bethy. Despite being tired from 2 long days of derby, we'd found our team's thunder and we came out victorious in the end.

La Racaille: 2009 Beast of the East Champions!!!

I am so very proud of my team.

Shut up and skate!

That's my team motto.

This weekend, we had a little team bonding retreat. We drove out to a cabin in the woods for some chilling, dancing, drinking, strategizing and all around awesomesauce. It was a ton of fun. I really love my team. Such a wonderful group of people. All of them big-hearted, fun and quirky. I couldn't have found a better suited group of people to be my teamates if I'd hosted an american idol style tv show about it.

Now that my team is all bonded. We're psyching ourselves up for the tournament this weekend. Beast of the East 2009. Our first game together since I joined the team will be Saturday morning at 11:20. It'll be a non-stop derby weekend.

Just a few days left to get ready. I've got new wheels (which are not only awesome in their shiny newness but also very necessary as my old one have been entirely striped of their grip) and there are 3 practices left for me to get myself entirely in game mode. Grrr. (that's my derby growl)

The Sexpos are once again victorious.

This weekend, we drove down the Vermont to bout against the Green Mountain Derby Dames. It was by all standards a great game. Both teams put up a good fight. It was intense. It was fun. And I played well. I felt solid out there. I only got over-exhausted one time when I had to be on shorthanded 2 jams in a row (the 2nd being a jammer-less jam and lasted the full 2 minutes). My performance and the confidance boost it brought on are something of a personal victory. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that I'm awesome. And this bout, total awesomeness reminder.

I played back-blocker a whole lot. And it seems like that booty-blocking drill we do in practice at least once a week is seriously paying off.

funk DESTROYED!

My predictions were right. A little Tuesday evening derby action totally cured my funk.

Last Sunday, we skated in the St-Patrick's Parade, so I'd switched my wheels to outdoor wheels and forgot to switch back to indoor wheels. This made me a little shakier on my skates just because the wheels are narrower and have a slightly curved edge which totally threw me off balance when I landed on it at one point. It was fun though. I have a nice bruise on my thigh as a result.

I often feel that now that I've made a team, everytime I don't bring out my A-game, I'm letting down a whole group of people. I feel their judging eyes. I feel my coaches watching me, analyzing my skating. Its intimidating. But then someone will offer me some advice or ask me to partner up with them in a drill or give me a high-five after teaming up with me in scrimmage, and all my insecurities vanish. I'm felling increasingly integrated in my team.

Now, to prevent myself from falling back into my funk, I've got an apt. to clean and some alone-time crafts to work on.

funk

I don't particularly want to go to practice tonight. I'm just not feeling it. My brain hurts, my body hurts, my existence hurts. I believe that's what is called a funk. I'm stuck in a bit of a rut. Given the choice, I'd love to stay in bed all day reading books, watching movies and eating take out, but that's a guaranteed ticket to depression-land. And I've been there before, so I'm going to face my funk head on. Gobble up a dose of exercise and adrenaline to send the blues away.

I'm of the opinion that derby cures everything. But I think right now, I'm feeling like derby has taken over my life almost too much and I could use a little bit of time to myself. Derby tonight, alone time tomorrow night.

Derby Love!

Ladies and gentlemen, yes, its that time of year again. The time when people in relationships engage in ultra-cheesy romantic evenings and the single folk bitch or cry. Never having been a huge fan of either of those options, this year, a wonderful alternative has presented itself. My boyfriend will be spending Valentine's day working overtime. And i will spend it playing a derby game in Boston. Its a double header: the Montreal New Skids on the Block vs the Boston A team, and then the Montreal Sexpos vs the Boston A team (i apologize for not knowing the names of the Boston teams.) I hear the Boston girls are fantastic and our teams are going to be somewhat shorthanded, so I'm expecting this to be a tough game. I fully intend to put up a good fight. *puts up fists* I'm sooooo nervous/excited.

Best Valentine's plans I've ever had.

post-practice reflections

Every once in a while, a practice comes along that seems to focus specifically on your needs and desires. Yesterday was such a practice for me. Due to a miraculously limited amount of traffic on the roads last night, I was actually early for practice and therefore was able to participate in the off-skate warm-up. Once feet became skates, it felt like the gods were smiling down on me. We did suicides involving side-skating, backwards skating and 180s; all things I generally enjoy. Afterwards, we practiced hitting/blocking. First we did quick little control hits, alternating between being a target and a hitter. Secondly, we practiced finding the right time for the big hits. After that, we did some drills that involved communication, working with a partner and timing within the pack. And then, it was scrimmage time. Everyone loves scrimmage time.

I left the practice space with the wonderful derby-high that makes me fall in love with derby over and over again.

pre-practice jitters

I'm particularly nervous about practice tonight. I've been going to derby practice every week for 7 months now and I still sometimes get nervous. Not all the time. And usually its on days when I'm nervous that I end up having a great practice and on days when I'm super pumped that I end up having a tough time.

Sunday's team practice was great. We met up an hour before practice to go over some of the less obvious WFTDA rules and discuss strategy a little bit. And practice was great. I'm really starting to feel like part of the team. I've been working on quick burts of speed and I noticed some personal improvement. Once again, my lack of endurance kicked me in the face in wee bit, but I think my endurance is building up, slowly but surely.

waging war against physical limitations

As someone with some athletic history, it never occured to me that this would be so damn hard sometimes. As a youngin, people might tell you to keep up the regular physical activity otherwise your body will go to shit. And though I believed them, it never occured to me that it would happen so soon and that it would be so hard to fix it.

Yesterday, I was totally pumped for derby practice. I was overflowing with heart and determination. But my body let me down. The lungs infection being all gone, I figured I could just jump back on the track and pick-up more or less where I left off before my knee injury. I guess I knew my poor endurance would be a little bit problematic, but I didn't expect it to be as much as a hinderance as it was. There were simple drills that I found myself barely able to do. And the realization that heart and motivation were not going to be enough shook me to the core. It was so discouraging that I actually began to tear up and when someone asked me what was wrong, the tears kinda just took over. I guess I'm being a little hard on my body when I say it let me down. My body did the best it could. My mind let me down by having unrealistically high expectations. Tsk. Bad mind.

I wipped the tears and mascara away just in time to scrimmage. Being able to focus my mind on the jam at hand is the ultimate therapy. I jumped at every opportunity to be put back on the track, except when a jammer was needed. I'm no jammer. But versatility is a useful skill and I guess that being able to understand the pack from the jammer's point of view is useful as a blocker. So I jammed. And I struggled. And I didn't give up. And I somehow ended up lead jammer, mainly because the other jammer got a penalty but that doesn't diminish the sense of personal victory. After that jam, I threw myself on the floor saying "never again", but the truth is it was a good experience and I'd love to try jamming again soon.

This practice made it clear that I am not doing enough outside of derby to build up my strength and endurance. I also need to help my mind to understand that these things take time. I can't just jump into the shoes of awesomeness and expect them to fit. One day...

derby roadtrips and the cure for social anxiety

This weekend, the Montreal Sexpos hit the road to take on the Bytowne Blackhearts in Ottawa. I was originally supposed to play this game, but since I was sick for the better part of the month, I let someone less rusty take my spot on the roster. However, I did find myself a nice spot in the bleachers and yelled until my throat swelled and my lungs threatened to explode. It was great fun. And like any derby roadtrip is was both exhilerating and exhausting.

We got back into town around 4 yesterday. Which gave me about 45 minutes, after driving people home, to unwind on my couch before hopping back into my car and heading to team practice. My better judgment told me to cave into my exhaustion and just stay home, but having promised a ride to one of my teammates, I dutifully went to practice. And I did not regret it. For the first time since my lung infection, I was able to work myself to the bone without exploding into fits of coughing. Admittedly, my endurance has gone to shit from my lack of practice, so I got tired and therefore sloppy before practice came to an end. But when it all came to an end, I felt completely and utterly satisfied. I had worked hard. My pads were all drenched in sweat. And I imagine that mixture of adrenaline and self-satisfaction is like to how a superhero feels after a job well-done. The post-roadtrip social anxiety that I always feel after hours jammed into a car with an assortment of people had been obliterated by the beating I took on the track.

For a while, I was a little scared that, having been picked for a team, I'd disappoint my teammates. Being sick for a while did nothing to alleviate that fear. But yesterday, I had a moment of clarity during which all my fears vanished. I felt the potential lurking within me. Bits of it shone through. And I am determined to do everything in my power to help it reach the surface. Outlook: optimistic.

I pimped out my skates!

blog failure

Well well well. Its been a long long while since I last updated with my personal derby news. A lot has happened. A) My knee is better. Still a wee bit tender, but with my new kneepads on, falling on it causes no pain. B) I am now a member of a team. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen and anonymous blog-readers, I am now a member of La Racaille. My world has officially become all green and silver. GREEN and SILVER.

I had my first team practice 2 Sundays ago. It was magical. I had just started a serious cough (which may or may not have turned into bronchitis) which caused me to have to sit out a wee bit because I couldn't breathe properly. The exercise made my sick more sick. So I've got myself a doctor's note excusing me from practice. With the crazy prescriptions cough syrup the doc hooked me up with, I'm hoping to be in tip-top shape for the next team practice on Sunday.

In other news, I decided to pimp out my skates. In order to add a little team spirit to my footwear, I added some shiny silver to my lovely black skates. And when the time comes to buy new wheels, i'll get some green ones. I'm pretty sure the paint will wear out/get scraped off on the track, but I've got ample silver paint ready to be used for touch-ups.