derby positivity covered in chocolate fondue!

This week, for the first time ever, I referred to myself in conversation with a friend as being a better player now than i was pre-concussion. The words just came out of my mouth without much thought, but afterwards I realized that they were true. I'm really feeling solid. The new skates do wonders for my skating power. And I'm finally getting used to them... they have however started to rip up my heals a little bit. They're all raw now. I keep joking about how I should build up calluses by playing guitar with my heels. Thus my feet would become invincible to new skates and I'd have this really random talent of playing foot guitar.

I haven't been sleeping well lately and have thus gone to practices sleepy and worn out. Were I still in my recovery phase, I would have totally blown those practices, but as it is, I was still able to get ton of valuable insight out of those practices and hone my skills.

I've been thinking about going back to Wednesday Sexpos practices, but I keep having important things to do on Wednesday and with my new job its almost impossible for me to make in on time to the early practices. And since I can't really afford to take any time off work to travel, its not really worth wearing myself out to get back on a travel team just yet. I imagine that as the season approaches, I'll be more inclined to take advantage of the extra practice time.

In the meantime, I'm trying to take on many casual non-derby sports activities, like jogging, rowing and street hockey... maybe even some all night dance partying.

Queen of the practice!

This morning, i went to derby practice on 4 hours of sleep with just a giant pile of enthusiasm and adrenaline. And i was on fire. Today, I felt more like the pre-concussion Hellcatraz than ever before. And with the lack of ankle pain due to my new skates, as well as my constantly improving fitness level (which is still not all that fit), soon enough I'll be better than ever. Hellcatraz is making a comeback.

I felt so good about myself at the end of practice that I declared myself world champion of this morning's practice. Wrath Poutine even apologized for forgetting my medal at home.

Really, I was on the ball. FUckin' shit up like nobody's business. In the last scrimmage line of the day, I even jammed and kicked some serious ass. When there's really just 1 blocker on me, I just hit them back harder than they hit me and then pick up the pace. Luckily my team was doing a good enough job of interfering with the opposing team's blockers, so they never got a chance to catch me behind a wall of anything.

Ah, good times.

This the self-declared Queen of practice signing off.

meow

I missed a couple practices last week because some adorably little strep throat infected children decided to shove their sticky fingers in my face. Now, when i go a little while without practicing, I always forget about that wonderful post-practice high. I write about it all the time, but there's really no way to capture the emotion and inject in directly to my blood stream when i get the derby blues (or any other kind of blues for that matter.)

Today, I was crazily lethargic. And the thought of doing anything other than curling up in a ball under a pile of blankets and sleeping the rest of my life away was quite intolerable. However, I was determined to put that aside for derby practice. I put my depression in my back pocket, got my skates on and hoped that my lethargy wouldn't find a way out of my back pocket and pull a sneak attack on me mid-practice.

But once the ball got rolling, all my worries went away. And after the initial shock of being back on skates post-sickness, my body didn't even complain more than with a slight short-lived muscle ache or 2.

And now, in the midst of this lovely post-derby high, I can't help but wish that derby practices took place early every morning before work. I'd be nice & chipper all day long and probably would no longer require anti-depressants. However, i cannot imagine any of the derby girls wanting to get up at 5am to practice. Maybe one day... when roller derby becomes an olympic sport... a girl can dream.

welcome back zest for life

Anti-depressants, new skates, emotional support from friends and family, positive experiences at derby practice. All these things have really helped me find my footing in life and in the derby world over the past few weeks. Like any time of great change, my head often felt like it was going to explode. But the storm seems to have passed, for now. My new skates were just what the doctor ordered.

I'm even excited for the team bonding that'll be happening this weekend. I feel closer to my team than i had in a long while. And this really helps when overcoming the derby blues.

Bye-bye derby blues.

Less than 3 months until Beast of the East 2010. So excited!

lack of chemical balance

Clinical depression is one cruel bitch. A cruel bitch who has chosen to make my life a living hell lately. The concussion and the post-concussive syndrome caused a pretty serious relapse. NOT COOL.

So today, i seeked medical help. I'm back on anti-depressants. Not a solution, but definately an aide to get back on my feet. Derby should help a lot. Of course, if i'm too blah to make it to practice, derby won't help at all. But with the anti-depressants and maybe some therapy, there's no reason i won't be making it to practices.

Oh snap!

not-so-super star

The realization that you've lost some of your skill in a certain area is always a depressing one. Over the past couple months, my struggle to find my groove post-concussion has hit wall after wall. The degradation of my physical conditioning after 4 months off skates set me back much more than i was ever willing to admit, thus making me more susceptible to minor injuries, lung problems and awkward aches and pains. I feel like I'm getting old too young. And the part of my subconscious that is most affected by my seratonin deficiency has suggested that maybe I should quit. I am presently outraged that that thought ever crossed my mind. Derby is my baby. I may not be a superstar at the moment, but that doesn't mean I can't have a ton of fun anyways. And then maybe my time will come.

My new skates haven't arrived yet. I ordered them over a month ago and I don't think they've even been shipped yet. My current skates don't breed confidence and my current wheels are on the cusp of death. So, I'm anxious about the arrival of my new skates. Soon soon soon, hopefully.

While waiting, I'm going to keep pushing myself hard and trying to find the joy in all aspects of the derby world.

tale of a displaced tailbone

I never thought I'd ever say this: yesterday, i actually paid someone to shove her finger up my ass. Yes, derby has taken things to an uncomfortable level. Falling on my tailbone twice in 1 practice resulted in a seriously displaced tailbone. The osteopath thought there might even be a chance it was broken. But luckily, it was just displaced. A girl from my team referred the osteo to me. And aside from the awkwardness of having a stranger stick a finger up my ass, I have to say I am now a huge fan of osteopathy. She worked out a ton of kinks in my body. My tailbone is now much straightened, still a little painful, apparently there's only so much you can do in one session. But she seems to think she can work out some of the kinks in my skull leftover from my concussion.