Zombie rollergirl resurrected

For the past few months, post-concussion depression and the lack of post-derby-practice-endorphin highs to fight that depression had turned me into a zombie. I got up, went to work, zoned out in from of a computer for 9 hours, fell asleep on public transportation, watched tv, ate and slept on a daily basis. Time sorta ceased to exist and nothing really mattered. A roller-derby-less existence was only a half life.

The past few weeks, things have gotten better. The more I push myself in derby practice, the better I function in daily life. And ever since I redid my min reqs test and regained permission to hit, that ability to function better in daily life has turned into happiness. That's right folks. This morning, I woke up still revelling in the power of awesome of last nights practice and looking forward to the power of awesome of tonight's practice. I've been happily going about my work, like a champ.

I've made some harsh realizations now that I'm fully back in derby. I'm out of shape, my endurance is worse than ever, my ankle' still got serious issues, i may have asthma, my legs wanna punch me in the face when i make them squat a bunch, my balance is a little sketchy, my timing for hits is a little off, but I'm not discouraged. I've got a plan of actions in order to fix all these things. For the out of shapeness, the endurance, the balance and the timing, I've got one beautiful solution: practice, practice PRACTICE!!!! For the possible asthma, I've already got an appointment set up with a lung specialist. For the ankle, well, I've been trying out different bracing/taping methods to see which one helps best. Last night, I just wrapped clear hockey tape around my skate and ankle and it seemed to do a better job than the ankle brace i bought a while back.

So things are looking up. Hurray for derby! Boo Zombies!

Off-Season over. Pre-Season begins.

November 1st marked the beginning of the pre-season. I've been back at practices for 2 months now. Injury 100% healed. Getting back into shape and into the grove of derby hasn't been easy, especially since I wasn't allowed to participate in any contact drills until i redid my minimum requirements test (new league rule: any player off skates for 3 months or more must redo min reqs before being able to fully participate). Since there were 4 of us coming back from injuries (or in one case a pregnancy leave), the test happened yesterday. And we all passed with flying colours. I was a little worried about the endurance test as I've been sick lately and I've been experiencing a lot of shortness of breath. But i paced myself. Skated at 50% speed and still managed to complete the 20 laps with a full minute to spare.

The test was actually the best workout I've experience since my return to skates. And that wonderful derby high has come back to me and reminded me of why I love this sport.

I relinquish my social life. Tis the season to rededicate my life entirely to derby.

Season Over.

This Saturday, the Montreal Roller Derby 2009 season came to an end. La Racaille battled FDR for the title of champions. It was a tight game. It was a sportsman-like game. I guess I ought to explain that the FDR/Racaille rivalry is usually not a pleasant one. When these 2 teams duke it out, tensions have a tendency to fly high and bitchiness reigns supreme. Even in practices recently, tempers have exploded. But in order to finish the season off on good footing, both teams set asside all pettiness and showed up to play a clean, fun, fair and friendly game of roller derby. Both teams kept penalties to a minimum. Neither team left the arena as losers that night. With 52 seconds left in the game, FDR was up 15 points and La Racaille was determined to even the score. Iron Wench jamming for la Racaille and Lil Mama for FDR. Only moments after the jam begins, lil mama is sent to the penalty box. This plays out well for la Racaille as Iron Wench can now rack up a ton of points without much competition. And when the jam comes to an end, it is clear to the audience that Wench has accumulated a large amount of points, but was it enough to even up the score. The whole crowds waits with baited breath as the referees tally up the points and have them relayed to the score board. After which, Les Filles du Roi are declared 2009 champions. The final score: 100 - 97. Oh so close. Both teams played well. Both teams had fun. And both teams were able to celebrate well into the night. Farewell 2009 season.

Now its break time. Time for me to not stress about how post-concussive syndrome prevents me from playing and just chill. Just chilllin'.

WOOOHOO!

I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! Do do doo do!

So psyched to get my skate on.

I'm also really pleased that I managed to go from total doubt/panic to mildy anxious to someone indifferent to kinda psyched to super-insanely pumped in just 3 days! That's right folks.

My head just decided to bring me back down to earth a wee bit by causing me a little bit of pain. And I guess that's a good thing because in my over-excited state, I could see myself easily deciding that I'm ready to get back into the full swing of derby thus preventing my head from ever healing. And that would be back. For the next while, I'm a skater, not a blocker. I will skate and skate and skate until my feet wheld themselves to my skates.

the first practice back is the toughest

I've been out of commission for a while now. My headaches are finally almost gone. So in theory I'm back to skating and will use my judgement to decide when I can jump back into contact. I wanted to go to yesterday's practice, but I just didn't make it. Anxiety built up inside me and to avoid dealing with it, I tried staying in bed for most of the day and eating comfort food. But both those things only made me feel worse. And by the time practice time rolled around, I had worked myself into such a bundle of nerves that putting my skates on would have made me vomit.

Its really hard to go back. I feel so severed from my team... Disassociated from the league, from the sport even. As much as I want to play the final game (in 3 weeks) and I think there's a good chance I may be healed enough to play without risk by then, I'm not sure I'll be ready psychologically. And I've let my body fall into disrepair a wee bit these past few weeks. I haven't gained a ton of weight and forgotten how to skate or anything, but I do feel a little soft.

However, I refuse to let anyone perceive me as soft. On Tuesday, I can't make it to practice. But Wednesday, Sexpos practice will be a good time to make my comeback. It'll be an awesome comeback. I'll be back with a vengence. My head was not in the right headspace yesterday, but I've got 2 days to fix my headspace. Then its comeback time!

the correct response was...

Not to scrimmage.

After my only contact practice, my headache only got worse and worse until it was unbearable and I had to go to the hospital. My lovely derby wife, Low-Dive Jenny, accompanied me because that's what derby wives do. Her presence was much appreciated as a waited to see a doctor. Doc says i'll live. Doc says I'm not brain-damaged or anything, I just returned to contact sports too soon for my poor concussed brain to handle. So, I need more time.

When the headaches subside at my rested state, I can go back to skating, but i'm going to have to wait a long time before I can do contact again. I'm going to pay extra special attention to my brain and be sure that I wait a good week or 2 after I feel like i'm in tip-top shape.

My team has a game tonight. Watching it and not being able to play is going to make me crazy. The after-party should be fun though.

another derby day

So I got medical clearance to resume my sporting activities and the I got a concussion related headache. So I've still got to be careful. I feel great though. At Sunday's team practice, since we engaged in a ton of hitting drills, I ended up doing a ton of endurance laps. I felt like death after just a few laps, but I kept on going and didn't give up and by the end of practice I felt as though I could have kept on skating all day long.

I haven't had any brain pain since Saturday, so I'm thinking tonight I'll stick with the no contact plan and tomorrow I'll remove the training wheels and launch myself back into the swing of things. I figure Sexpos' practice is a good time to do that. And if I get the slightest head pain, I'll stop. If no pain occurs, then i'll be scrimmaging on Thursday. Yay!

CONCUSSION!

That hit to the head I took at Beast... well, it left me concussed.

After over a week of brain pain, I figured I should ask a doctor about it. So yeah, no derby for me this weekend. In fact, I need to rest up and once I've experience 7 days without a headache, i'll be good to go.

BEAST of the East champions!!!

After a 2 day roller-derby tournament in which your team makes it all the way to the finals (and maybe even wins), I have to say that if you don't feel like you got hit by a bus, you just didn't give it your all.

16 teams. Mostly from Quebec and Ontario. 12 hours of roller-derby on the Saturday and then another 6.5 hours of roller-derby on the Sunday. That's an insane amount of derby.

My team, La Racaille, fought valiantly until the end. Sunday morning, we faced our local foes Les Filles du Roi and they won, but since we were as of yet undefeated, we were not yet eliminated. So we continued on. And later in the day, we found ourselves face to face with FDR once again for the semi-finals. This time we played harder and smarter and were victorious. This bought us a ticket to the championship game. And guess who we got to face off with at the championship, none other than Montreal Roller Derby's other team The Contrabanditas. Playing against another team from our league made the whole event just so much more exciting for us. The Ditas gave us a run for our money. They proved to be pretty fierce competition. At one point, I even took a hit to the head from the lovely and talented Boxcar Bethy. Despite being tired from 2 long days of derby, we'd found our team's thunder and we came out victorious in the end.

La Racaille: 2009 Beast of the East Champions!!!

I am so very proud of my team.

Shut up and skate!

That's my team motto.

This weekend, we had a little team bonding retreat. We drove out to a cabin in the woods for some chilling, dancing, drinking, strategizing and all around awesomesauce. It was a ton of fun. I really love my team. Such a wonderful group of people. All of them big-hearted, fun and quirky. I couldn't have found a better suited group of people to be my teamates if I'd hosted an american idol style tv show about it.

Now that my team is all bonded. We're psyching ourselves up for the tournament this weekend. Beast of the East 2009. Our first game together since I joined the team will be Saturday morning at 11:20. It'll be a non-stop derby weekend.

Just a few days left to get ready. I've got new wheels (which are not only awesome in their shiny newness but also very necessary as my old one have been entirely striped of their grip) and there are 3 practices left for me to get myself entirely in game mode. Grrr. (that's my derby growl)

The Sexpos are once again victorious.

This weekend, we drove down the Vermont to bout against the Green Mountain Derby Dames. It was by all standards a great game. Both teams put up a good fight. It was intense. It was fun. And I played well. I felt solid out there. I only got over-exhausted one time when I had to be on shorthanded 2 jams in a row (the 2nd being a jammer-less jam and lasted the full 2 minutes). My performance and the confidance boost it brought on are something of a personal victory. Sometimes, I need to remind myself that I'm awesome. And this bout, total awesomeness reminder.

I played back-blocker a whole lot. And it seems like that booty-blocking drill we do in practice at least once a week is seriously paying off.

Derby Love!

Ladies and gentlemen, yes, its that time of year again. The time when people in relationships engage in ultra-cheesy romantic evenings and the single folk bitch or cry. Never having been a huge fan of either of those options, this year, a wonderful alternative has presented itself. My boyfriend will be spending Valentine's day working overtime. And i will spend it playing a derby game in Boston. Its a double header: the Montreal New Skids on the Block vs the Boston A team, and then the Montreal Sexpos vs the Boston A team (i apologize for not knowing the names of the Boston teams.) I hear the Boston girls are fantastic and our teams are going to be somewhat shorthanded, so I'm expecting this to be a tough game. I fully intend to put up a good fight. *puts up fists* I'm sooooo nervous/excited.

Best Valentine's plans I've ever had.

post-practice reflections

Every once in a while, a practice comes along that seems to focus specifically on your needs and desires. Yesterday was such a practice for me. Due to a miraculously limited amount of traffic on the roads last night, I was actually early for practice and therefore was able to participate in the off-skate warm-up. Once feet became skates, it felt like the gods were smiling down on me. We did suicides involving side-skating, backwards skating and 180s; all things I generally enjoy. Afterwards, we practiced hitting/blocking. First we did quick little control hits, alternating between being a target and a hitter. Secondly, we practiced finding the right time for the big hits. After that, we did some drills that involved communication, working with a partner and timing within the pack. And then, it was scrimmage time. Everyone loves scrimmage time.

I left the practice space with the wonderful derby-high that makes me fall in love with derby over and over again.

pre-practice jitters

I'm particularly nervous about practice tonight. I've been going to derby practice every week for 7 months now and I still sometimes get nervous. Not all the time. And usually its on days when I'm nervous that I end up having a great practice and on days when I'm super pumped that I end up having a tough time.

Sunday's team practice was great. We met up an hour before practice to go over some of the less obvious WFTDA rules and discuss strategy a little bit. And practice was great. I'm really starting to feel like part of the team. I've been working on quick burts of speed and I noticed some personal improvement. Once again, my lack of endurance kicked me in the face in wee bit, but I think my endurance is building up, slowly but surely.

waging war against physical limitations

As someone with some athletic history, it never occured to me that this would be so damn hard sometimes. As a youngin, people might tell you to keep up the regular physical activity otherwise your body will go to shit. And though I believed them, it never occured to me that it would happen so soon and that it would be so hard to fix it.

Yesterday, I was totally pumped for derby practice. I was overflowing with heart and determination. But my body let me down. The lungs infection being all gone, I figured I could just jump back on the track and pick-up more or less where I left off before my knee injury. I guess I knew my poor endurance would be a little bit problematic, but I didn't expect it to be as much as a hinderance as it was. There were simple drills that I found myself barely able to do. And the realization that heart and motivation were not going to be enough shook me to the core. It was so discouraging that I actually began to tear up and when someone asked me what was wrong, the tears kinda just took over. I guess I'm being a little hard on my body when I say it let me down. My body did the best it could. My mind let me down by having unrealistically high expectations. Tsk. Bad mind.

I wipped the tears and mascara away just in time to scrimmage. Being able to focus my mind on the jam at hand is the ultimate therapy. I jumped at every opportunity to be put back on the track, except when a jammer was needed. I'm no jammer. But versatility is a useful skill and I guess that being able to understand the pack from the jammer's point of view is useful as a blocker. So I jammed. And I struggled. And I didn't give up. And I somehow ended up lead jammer, mainly because the other jammer got a penalty but that doesn't diminish the sense of personal victory. After that jam, I threw myself on the floor saying "never again", but the truth is it was a good experience and I'd love to try jamming again soon.

This practice made it clear that I am not doing enough outside of derby to build up my strength and endurance. I also need to help my mind to understand that these things take time. I can't just jump into the shoes of awesomeness and expect them to fit. One day...

derby roadtrips and the cure for social anxiety

This weekend, the Montreal Sexpos hit the road to take on the Bytowne Blackhearts in Ottawa. I was originally supposed to play this game, but since I was sick for the better part of the month, I let someone less rusty take my spot on the roster. However, I did find myself a nice spot in the bleachers and yelled until my throat swelled and my lungs threatened to explode. It was great fun. And like any derby roadtrip is was both exhilerating and exhausting.

We got back into town around 4 yesterday. Which gave me about 45 minutes, after driving people home, to unwind on my couch before hopping back into my car and heading to team practice. My better judgment told me to cave into my exhaustion and just stay home, but having promised a ride to one of my teammates, I dutifully went to practice. And I did not regret it. For the first time since my lung infection, I was able to work myself to the bone without exploding into fits of coughing. Admittedly, my endurance has gone to shit from my lack of practice, so I got tired and therefore sloppy before practice came to an end. But when it all came to an end, I felt completely and utterly satisfied. I had worked hard. My pads were all drenched in sweat. And I imagine that mixture of adrenaline and self-satisfaction is like to how a superhero feels after a job well-done. The post-roadtrip social anxiety that I always feel after hours jammed into a car with an assortment of people had been obliterated by the beating I took on the track.

For a while, I was a little scared that, having been picked for a team, I'd disappoint my teammates. Being sick for a while did nothing to alleviate that fear. But yesterday, I had a moment of clarity during which all my fears vanished. I felt the potential lurking within me. Bits of it shone through. And I am determined to do everything in my power to help it reach the surface. Outlook: optimistic.

knee update

I was hoping to be back in skating shape for practice yesterday, but my knee is being kinda stubborn on the healing front. I took part in the off-skate warm-up and accidentally touched my knee to the ground which caused my knee great displeasure. After that, I really didn't want to risk getting onto the rink and falling. Pain is there to tell you that you're doing something wrong, so I listened to it.

It wasn't a total waste of a practice though. I got a little bit of a work-out and then I helped coach some of the newest of the newbies. It felt great to be able to pass on some of the derby wisdom that was passed on to me by other derby girls.

there's an alien baby living in my knee

At my derby girl debut game, 5 minutes before the end of the bout, my knee experienced a moment of intense intimacy with the floor. The result, a swollen knee for a week, a super colourful bruise for over a week, and a bruised tendon that is still causing me considerable pain. I had a doctor check me out this morning and he's optimistic that i'll be as good as new in a little over a week. I'm hoping he's right because team recruitment is December 16th and I need as much practice as possible before then.

I'm optimistic.

first bout jitters

I've been practicing with the B-team these last few weeks. I'm starting to feel less lost when scrimaging. And this Saturday, I will be playing my very first bout. I'm super excited because I really don't want to wait until April (when the season starts up again) to play, but I'm absolutely terrified because Saturday is just so damn soon. I'm going to lose my roller derby virginity. Thinking about it too much sends shivers down my spine.

I'm feeling more and more like a real derby girl every day. I've got my crew of newbies who have now become really good friends. But I'm also getting to know a lot of the veterans much better. And the 7 or so hour drive to Kitchener with a couple of the girls from the B-team ought to help me get to know more people better. Its great to feel like I'm part of the league as opposed to being some shy little girl who's testing out the rollin' waters.

I'm also pretty pumped about the afterparty that will follow my very first bout. Win or lose, the montreal derby girls party like no one else.

I love my life.

Abby - my first massive derby bruise

Saturday morning, I got up nice and early, grabbed my gear and headed out to the park to do a little skating. Fun in the sun. When we decided to take our skates off for the day, I decided it would be a nice time to practice my baseball slide. However, having only done that particular fall a couple times, I kinda forgot how to do it, got fairly nervous and ended up falling on my skate. The result: a GIANT bruise on my left leg right under my bum. My first big derby bruise. I took a picture for the archives. And I've named it Abby. Its pretty gross. Multicoloured. I couldn't sit for a while and my leg even got somewhat wollen. I'm very proud of Abby.

In other news, yesterday's practice helped me get out of the funk that my horrible weekend (horrible due to non-derby related things) brought on. There's nothing like a good adrenaline rush to makes to blues go away. And a little rough-housing. Tempting Fate mentioned to me that now that I've made minimum skills, there's a big target on my back. So she tried checking me a little bit and I held my own very well on the blocking front. At one point, I got sidetracked and started talking to someone and she came up behind me and checked me when I least suspected it. My instinctive reaction was to hit her back really hard, which I did and she fell over. However, I fell over too. A lovely 2-woman pile up. I learnt a very valuable lesson. I must limit how much follow-through I put into my hits.

I'm leaving on a little roadtrip to Halifax this Friday, so I'll be missing both the next Sunday practice and next Tuesday's practice. I anticipate my muscles will atrophy and I'll colapse on my jello legs when I next put my skates on.