the first practice back is the toughest

I've been out of commission for a while now. My headaches are finally almost gone. So in theory I'm back to skating and will use my judgement to decide when I can jump back into contact. I wanted to go to yesterday's practice, but I just didn't make it. Anxiety built up inside me and to avoid dealing with it, I tried staying in bed for most of the day and eating comfort food. But both those things only made me feel worse. And by the time practice time rolled around, I had worked myself into such a bundle of nerves that putting my skates on would have made me vomit.

Its really hard to go back. I feel so severed from my team... Disassociated from the league, from the sport even. As much as I want to play the final game (in 3 weeks) and I think there's a good chance I may be healed enough to play without risk by then, I'm not sure I'll be ready psychologically. And I've let my body fall into disrepair a wee bit these past few weeks. I haven't gained a ton of weight and forgotten how to skate or anything, but I do feel a little soft.

However, I refuse to let anyone perceive me as soft. On Tuesday, I can't make it to practice. But Wednesday, Sexpos practice will be a good time to make my comeback. It'll be an awesome comeback. I'll be back with a vengence. My head was not in the right headspace yesterday, but I've got 2 days to fix my headspace. Then its comeback time!