waging war against physical limitations

As someone with some athletic history, it never occured to me that this would be so damn hard sometimes. As a youngin, people might tell you to keep up the regular physical activity otherwise your body will go to shit. And though I believed them, it never occured to me that it would happen so soon and that it would be so hard to fix it.

Yesterday, I was totally pumped for derby practice. I was overflowing with heart and determination. But my body let me down. The lungs infection being all gone, I figured I could just jump back on the track and pick-up more or less where I left off before my knee injury. I guess I knew my poor endurance would be a little bit problematic, but I didn't expect it to be as much as a hinderance as it was. There were simple drills that I found myself barely able to do. And the realization that heart and motivation were not going to be enough shook me to the core. It was so discouraging that I actually began to tear up and when someone asked me what was wrong, the tears kinda just took over. I guess I'm being a little hard on my body when I say it let me down. My body did the best it could. My mind let me down by having unrealistically high expectations. Tsk. Bad mind.

I wipped the tears and mascara away just in time to scrimmage. Being able to focus my mind on the jam at hand is the ultimate therapy. I jumped at every opportunity to be put back on the track, except when a jammer was needed. I'm no jammer. But versatility is a useful skill and I guess that being able to understand the pack from the jammer's point of view is useful as a blocker. So I jammed. And I struggled. And I didn't give up. And I somehow ended up lead jammer, mainly because the other jammer got a penalty but that doesn't diminish the sense of personal victory. After that jam, I threw myself on the floor saying "never again", but the truth is it was a good experience and I'd love to try jamming again soon.

This practice made it clear that I am not doing enough outside of derby to build up my strength and endurance. I also need to help my mind to understand that these things take time. I can't just jump into the shoes of awesomeness and expect them to fit. One day...