Scrimmmmmmmmage

Wednesday, I scrimmaged. For the first time in forever. In hitting drills, my timing and balance have felt off. But the second I was put into a game situation, the natural born blocker inside me awoke. AWAKEN THE BEAST!!!!!!

Zombie rollergirl resurrected

For the past few months, post-concussion depression and the lack of post-derby-practice-endorphin highs to fight that depression had turned me into a zombie. I got up, went to work, zoned out in from of a computer for 9 hours, fell asleep on public transportation, watched tv, ate and slept on a daily basis. Time sorta ceased to exist and nothing really mattered. A roller-derby-less existence was only a half life.

The past few weeks, things have gotten better. The more I push myself in derby practice, the better I function in daily life. And ever since I redid my min reqs test and regained permission to hit, that ability to function better in daily life has turned into happiness. That's right folks. This morning, I woke up still revelling in the power of awesome of last nights practice and looking forward to the power of awesome of tonight's practice. I've been happily going about my work, like a champ.

I've made some harsh realizations now that I'm fully back in derby. I'm out of shape, my endurance is worse than ever, my ankle' still got serious issues, i may have asthma, my legs wanna punch me in the face when i make them squat a bunch, my balance is a little sketchy, my timing for hits is a little off, but I'm not discouraged. I've got a plan of actions in order to fix all these things. For the out of shapeness, the endurance, the balance and the timing, I've got one beautiful solution: practice, practice PRACTICE!!!! For the possible asthma, I've already got an appointment set up with a lung specialist. For the ankle, well, I've been trying out different bracing/taping methods to see which one helps best. Last night, I just wrapped clear hockey tape around my skate and ankle and it seemed to do a better job than the ankle brace i bought a while back.

So things are looking up. Hurray for derby! Boo Zombies!

Off-Season over. Pre-Season begins.

November 1st marked the beginning of the pre-season. I've been back at practices for 2 months now. Injury 100% healed. Getting back into shape and into the grove of derby hasn't been easy, especially since I wasn't allowed to participate in any contact drills until i redid my minimum requirements test (new league rule: any player off skates for 3 months or more must redo min reqs before being able to fully participate). Since there were 4 of us coming back from injuries (or in one case a pregnancy leave), the test happened yesterday. And we all passed with flying colours. I was a little worried about the endurance test as I've been sick lately and I've been experiencing a lot of shortness of breath. But i paced myself. Skated at 50% speed and still managed to complete the 20 laps with a full minute to spare.

The test was actually the best workout I've experience since my return to skates. And that wonderful derby high has come back to me and reminded me of why I love this sport.

I relinquish my social life. Tis the season to rededicate my life entirely to derby.

Season Over.

This Saturday, the Montreal Roller Derby 2009 season came to an end. La Racaille battled FDR for the title of champions. It was a tight game. It was a sportsman-like game. I guess I ought to explain that the FDR/Racaille rivalry is usually not a pleasant one. When these 2 teams duke it out, tensions have a tendency to fly high and bitchiness reigns supreme. Even in practices recently, tempers have exploded. But in order to finish the season off on good footing, both teams set asside all pettiness and showed up to play a clean, fun, fair and friendly game of roller derby. Both teams kept penalties to a minimum. Neither team left the arena as losers that night. With 52 seconds left in the game, FDR was up 15 points and La Racaille was determined to even the score. Iron Wench jamming for la Racaille and Lil Mama for FDR. Only moments after the jam begins, lil mama is sent to the penalty box. This plays out well for la Racaille as Iron Wench can now rack up a ton of points without much competition. And when the jam comes to an end, it is clear to the audience that Wench has accumulated a large amount of points, but was it enough to even up the score. The whole crowds waits with baited breath as the referees tally up the points and have them relayed to the score board. After which, Les Filles du Roi are declared 2009 champions. The final score: 100 - 97. Oh so close. Both teams played well. Both teams had fun. And both teams were able to celebrate well into the night. Farewell 2009 season.

Now its break time. Time for me to not stress about how post-concussive syndrome prevents me from playing and just chill. Just chilllin'.

giving up on my brains

As you may have guessed, my most recent attempt to return to skating was a failure. 1 hour on skates left me dizzy and with considerable brain pain. So I've given up on this season. There's 1 game left and i will not be playing. I've resigned myself to that fact (though somewhat reluctantly). And in order to make this whole ordeal bareable, I'm not going to any practice or roller derby related social events until the final game. I just can't take it. Its far too depressing. So, instead, I'm spending all my free-time with my non-derby friends. On Saturday, my team plays the championship game. La Racaille vs FDR. The Ultimate Showdown. And for that game, I will put on my game face and cheer on my team. Probably drink a ton. And hopefully my team will win.

WOOOHOO!

I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! I'm gonna skate tonight! Do do doo do!

So psyched to get my skate on.

I'm also really pleased that I managed to go from total doubt/panic to mildy anxious to someone indifferent to kinda psyched to super-insanely pumped in just 3 days! That's right folks.

My head just decided to bring me back down to earth a wee bit by causing me a little bit of pain. And I guess that's a good thing because in my over-excited state, I could see myself easily deciding that I'm ready to get back into the full swing of derby thus preventing my head from ever healing. And that would be back. For the next while, I'm a skater, not a blocker. I will skate and skate and skate until my feet wheld themselves to my skates.

the first practice back is the toughest

I've been out of commission for a while now. My headaches are finally almost gone. So in theory I'm back to skating and will use my judgement to decide when I can jump back into contact. I wanted to go to yesterday's practice, but I just didn't make it. Anxiety built up inside me and to avoid dealing with it, I tried staying in bed for most of the day and eating comfort food. But both those things only made me feel worse. And by the time practice time rolled around, I had worked myself into such a bundle of nerves that putting my skates on would have made me vomit.

Its really hard to go back. I feel so severed from my team... Disassociated from the league, from the sport even. As much as I want to play the final game (in 3 weeks) and I think there's a good chance I may be healed enough to play without risk by then, I'm not sure I'll be ready psychologically. And I've let my body fall into disrepair a wee bit these past few weeks. I haven't gained a ton of weight and forgotten how to skate or anything, but I do feel a little soft.

However, I refuse to let anyone perceive me as soft. On Tuesday, I can't make it to practice. But Wednesday, Sexpos practice will be a good time to make my comeback. It'll be an awesome comeback. I'll be back with a vengence. My head was not in the right headspace yesterday, but I've got 2 days to fix my headspace. Then its comeback time!